I don't know what the hell just happened but this wave of uncertainty just crashed over me and my anxiety is sky high. And I don't even know why, where it came from, or anything. I seriously don't like it. Right now I could curl up into a ball with a pillow over my head and not see anyone for days and I'd be fine. I can't swallow anything right now. My brain functions just aren't connecting like they should. What the fuck is going on? WHAT the FUCK is going on? I need to breathe. I need to disconnect. I need this uncertainty to go away. Whatever is causing it needs to stop or I need to adjust. Maybe it's just from this level of stress I've been functioning on lately and now there's no need since school is out. I don't know.
I just want to be happy. I just want to enjoy these next few weeks and then my birthday and summer and whatnot. I need a smooth transaction into this next chapter of my life. This road I've walked has been bumpy for far too long now. It's time to level out. I need it to level out. I'm tired of swimming against the current. I've struggled enough. God, just give me a break, please. Walk with me and not against me- for my sanity's sake.
Not trying to sound unappreciative cause I am thankful for every breath because I know it's not a guarantee but I'm just saying, I've been carrying on with this balancing act for a while now. Teeter-tottering on the line of happy and sad is not my idea of good things. I'm tired of being crazy. I have too much crazy in my blood. Oh the things I can think up on my own. Never a good thing.
Good times, get here fast. I need my kicks and giggles. Turn this frown upside down. I need out, I need a road trip. I need to smell new things and shrug off the things that surround me daily. I just need a break. Please.
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