Red.

A huge wave of anger just came over me and right about now I am ready to throw out 85% of any and every relationship I have going on right about now. I am tired of baggage and being weighed down by the people I feel are using me. I feel tiny right now.
Fuck you. I'm spring cleaning you gots to go. Bye bye, be gone!

There's a cold heart burried with me....

"with warm blood running in me. Your secrets are mine to keep"

I don't quite know where I am right now but where ever it is I would like to head out. And I don't mean that in a literal manner, I'm sitting at my house. I know exactly where I am. Trying to digest this all at once is just overwhelming. Too much running through my head. Too much crap for me to be thinking about right now. Things coming in from every direction and each thing taking a little more energy to handle than the one before it. I guess this is life- I did sign up for this nonsense when I decided what I wanted and where I was going but geeeeeez! I need to wash away these worries in the ocean. I would kill, currently, to be on the west coast, sitting out, enjoying the salty breeze running through my lungs. "My bones were shattered- my pride lay shattered". I don't know where I am going with this now except that I want out. ASAP! I need some security. I don't want habit but I do want comfort and I haven't been comfortable in a loooooong time. Oh, those days once upon a time. No, they probably aren't the days most are thinking of. Blah, summer get here soon. I need a good dance in the rain and late night walks full of deep, meaningful conversation, and late nights on the back porch with hookah and alcohol. I need a release. Come soon<3

:) You're not that easy to forget.

Currently I am 100% excited. Got my new bathing suit and some summer clothes and everything is falling into place. I will win. Like I said, mark my words. I am ten times better than that bullshit.

Today was interesting- Lady said I favored Marquavious and a little seven year old girl declared me as her girlfriends? WTF!?!!?!? Ahahahah!

Slightly inebriated but that's when it all comes out. I will fucking win, just wait baby ;)
Drop it like it's hoooooot! Full permission and complete confidence. Y'all niggas aint shiiiiiiiit!!!!!

I love you.

Well I'm fallin head-over-heels for you....

I've been jumping from the tops of buildings
For the thrill of the fall
Ignoring sound advice
And any thought of consequence.
My bones are shattered.
My pride is shattered.
And in the midst of this self-inflicted pain I can see my beautiful rescue.
I'm falling more in love with every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love with every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you.
I've been dancing on the tops of buildings.
At the top of my lungs I'm singing you a song.
Don't you leave me alone.
My bones were shattered.
My pride lays shattered.
Well I'll trample my pride and tell the whole world to dance with me.
I'm falling more in love with every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love with every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you again.
I'm crying out."Wash my hands, these bloody hands Lord.
Open my mouth and I'll sing.
"I'm falling more in love with every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love with every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you.
I've been dancing on the tops of buildings-with you.

Such a beautiful day in the park.

Posting these for Brittni. I wish there had been more :/

Break from studying for art and singing along with The Kooks. I would marry every last one of them aha. I need someone to sing me to sleep. Dear sir, please come find me soon<3

Going to bed....

liquored up reminds me of those times so long ago. Hahaha what the fuck does that say to you? Sleeping with liquor seeping from my pores and veins reminds me of you. Seriously? What a sad fucking illustration. Downed almost a half of a bottle of Jager to myself tonight. Still not drunk and still feeling something. I hate this tolerance I have. I want it to be gone. I want to be numb. I'm on my way to accomplishing those goals. Done with giving out effort to those who only take, take, take. Don't rub me the wrong way- I will bite back. I don't take being played with very lightly. Those moments will come back and haunt you. I always get what I want and this is no exception. I will be back on top and on my grind. Just you wait and see ;)

Nights have grown lonely and dreams leave me craving. Lets fix this soon. Take that as you want but only I know what it means. Come take a walk in my shoes and have a taste of my intentions. I'm neither simple nor easy so don't be confused. I know what I want.

I just want back in your head....

I hate myself for ever missing you anymore. You're totally and completely not worth it. Not one bit. I regret the day I ever let you get under my skin because I've been working ever since to drain you out of this body of mine. Draining out the poison and, boy, it's hard as hell. These seasons and these smells bring back memories that hit me like a brick wall. The past is the past and I can't stay there- shit, I don't want to stay there. For the most part I like where I'm at and I like where I seem to be going and there's no baggage necessary, thanks.

I hate how stagnant everything has become lately. I'm tired of breathing the same air in this place I've been for far too long. I need some changes. I need some chances. I feel like I'm running on autopilot in a cycle. Maybe this is why I am retreating to old habits and mannerisms? I need out. "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year"- Always a constant. I need a new track and I need it soon. Someone surprise me, surprise me with something exciting and adventurous. Tension is on high for hopes of something that may never come and I need a vacation from it. These things run through my head everytime I slow down and have a chance to breathe. So much for breathing. It's amazing how honest I can be but how much I can hold myself back at the same time- usually on the things that I want to say most. Blaaaah. Makes me sick to my stomach. I wish I knew a little more and stressed a little less. It's such a hard thing because when I make up my mind it's dead set and there's no going back until I say it's done and I'm no quitter. I wish I could read some people better. Such a hard thing to do when I actually want to. sjdksajdkjskajdkjaskdjalskjdlsjaklfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUUUUCK!!!!!! Take these things and throw them out the window. Done caring and done trying. I want to numb up again. Once upon a time I knew how to do such a thing- I've become soft and let some people in too close. That never comes out fine in the end. Cutting ties and cutting out heart. Gotta be safe rather than sorry. I just wish I knew what was going on. I wish it was then and not now. I feel like I missed the window of opportunity. I've made it before and I'll come back again. You just mark my words.

Please don't take my last money!

Hahahah I love cops!

Holy hell, my liver is going to be so thankful for Spring Break to finally be over. I haven't had a sober day since Monday ahhaaaa. Hello, alcoholic! I've become quite the bartender. So much to say & so much to do! I'm ready for the week to be over and everything to settle down. I hate group projects split up between seven different people. I could pull my hair out at how last minute and unorganized this is all unfolding.

Baby, I need your lovin'! Got to have allll your lovin'!
Come back around. Shawty, swing my waaaaay ;)
Dranks are callin' my name again. Peace!

Just a voice inside your head...

"whispering all the hope is dead" aha gotta love the Cary Brothers.

What a fucking week. Never have I been more excited to see the lights of Atlanta than I was last night on that plane. Xanax made that trip fly by, even though the creepy old man watched me sleep. Whatever. Oh- this week. The things I have learned this week and the things I have sorted out within my own head this week. It's ridiculous.
-Everytime your name comes up these days it's one-hundred percent surrounded by shitty news. Bye-bye, be gone. I hate myself for still caring sometimes. It's absolutely insane. Never have I wasted so much as I did with all of that. Whaaaaat was I thinking? Brushed you off my shoulders and no more holding me back. Thank, Christ!
- It's really sad that I don't miss you at all. Well, except when I'm under the influence and I hear a tune that brings up past memories but that's all it is. Living in the past. The past is the past and that's where it should stay. I am working on that. I find you to be one hell of a hypocrite but we're not going there. I almost feel like a cold person when I am able to say that this whole ordeal doesn't tug on my heart one bit. Two separate roads and two different people- shit happens. Thanks for the laughs. Wishing you the best in all you do. Hollerrrrr.

Twenty-seven degrees pretty much everyday last week. Holy crap! I've adjusted to the warmer weather and, maaaan, did that cold have me craving some company. Snuggles, please. It has to be completely awkward how cold my hands and feet get. Sorry ahead of time to anyone I may lend my hands to. Not very inviting ha.
"And when I get this feeling, I gots to have sexual heaaaaling" hahaha I've been belting that out all week. I have to pervert everything.

I find it to be rather ridiculous how all week I've had all sorts of things swirling through my mind but my laptop was back in Georgia so I couldn't ramble but here I am trying to jot it all down and I've come to a blank. Then again my confusion always comes late at night. This is a sign I need to get to my Biology shit. I'll finish this up tonight.

Constantly craving company at this point- and, no, I don't mean for kicks and giggles. Blaaaaaaah. Spring- bring me a maaaaan ahaaa!

Maine- here I come.

So I suckered up and joined the spot. I've had a livejournal (two, actually) and here we go again with the spot. I've had so many things running around in this head of mine it may turn out to be a good thing. Dig in deep and soak it up- this is about as honest as I get. It's about 2:30 in the AM so I'm going to pass on spilling my word vomit to the site for now- shall return.

18 hours from now and I'll be on a tiny ass plane to Portland, Maine. The fear runs deep right about now. Three hours- I only have to deal with it for three hours and then my feet will feel the ground once again. iPod needs to be updated, suitcase not yet finished. I always wait til the last minute. I cannot wait to get out of this town and get all this nonsense out of my head. Thank God for Spring Break.